


It’s all fun and games until someone gets banished

by DarkmoonSigel



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Fluff, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Lion Aziraphale, M/M, Snake Crowley (Good Omens), Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-16 10:02:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19315903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkmoonSigel/pseuds/DarkmoonSigel
Summary: Crowley and Azirphale having a conversation over wine. Ineffable husbands can still surprise each other.





	It’s all fun and games until someone gets banished

**Author's Note:**

> I ain’t dead.
> 
> Hey, Lion Azirphale cause I love lions, and Steven Universe.

“Don’t talk to me about Ireland, ever.”

“Goodness, why not?” Aziraphale was very confused now, not expecting such an extreme reaction from his demonic counterpart about a seemingly harmless inquiry. Crowley looked about ready to spit brimstone and hellfire though. “What did Ireland ever do to you? I hear it’s quite nice this time of year.”

“It’s nice for you because you can go there.” Crowley said, throwing his lanky form over some furniture so he could look properly petulant about it. 

And you...can’t?” Aziraphale asked, the demon nodding. “What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything.” Crowley tried to receive a Look from the angel. “It was all that blasted Saint Patrick’s fault. Joyless bastard couldn’t take one little joke.”

“Well don’t leave me on pins and needles here. How can a saint keep you out of Ireland?” Aziraphale asked, cracking into a bottle to pour them some wine. He felt that it would be needed.

“I got banished” Crowley mumbled into the offered red.

“Come again.” Aziraphale had heard the demon perfectly fine, but it wasn’t often that he got to tease Crowley like this.

“Banished! I got banished along with all the other snakes in Ireland. Happy now?” Crowley snapped, taking off his sunglasses to properly glare at the obviously amused angel. 

“That must have been one hell of a joke.” Aziraphale smiled back, unbothered and undeterred. 

“It was alright, not really my best work if I’m being completely honest. Ole Paddycake just didn’t have a lick of humor.” Crowley sighed, flopping back.

“Most of them don’t.” Azirphale said, having known his fair share of saints. They tended to be an odd lot. 

“I dunno. I always liked Jude.”

“The saint of lost causes? Oh Saint Jude, hope for the hopeless, pray for us.” The angel mused, “You would.”

“Whose your favorite then?” Crowley asked, causing Aziraphale to look mildly affronted. 

“I don’t have favorites.” The angel said primly, topping off their glasses.

“Yeah, you do.” Crowley said in the tone of ‘don’t bullshit a bullshitter’.

“Oh alright. I’ve always been partial to Saint Francis.” Azirphale admitted after a guilt filled moment. 

“Nice bloke,” Crowley snorted, “If you don’t mind the smell of various kinds of animal shit.”

“He wouldn’t have driven you out of Ireland. He loved all animals, great and small.” 

“They gave that sod an entire day.” Crowley said quite crossly, earning a strange look from the angel,

“Not that I’m aware of.” Aziraphale said, thinking it over. Humans has so many different holidays to keep track of, changing from country to country, and from culture to culture. 

“No, not Francis! Pat the prick! He’s got an entire day to himself where everyone drinks extraordinary amounts of alcohol to celebrate.” Crowley growled, his wine glass emptier than he would have liked. 

“Yes, I remember now. I hear in America, they dye the rivers green on his day.” Azirphale said, looking over in time to see Crowley trying to pull a wine cork out of the bottle with his teeth. “Oh don’t do that. You’ll get stuck again, my dear.”

“Oh they would, the gaudy wankersss!” Crowley hissed out around the cork stuck in his too sharp teeth.

“Hold still please.” Aziraphale sighed, Crowley thrashing his head around. The drunker and angrier the demon got, the more snake like he became. “Unhinge your jaw a bit. Now there’s a good lad.”

“Hate it when that happens.” Crowley said as he popped his jaw back into place with a sharp click. 

“You’re really getting all worked up over nothing.”

“Nothing? I got banished. Me!” Crowley said, not bothering with the wineglass anymore to go straight to the source. “It’s humiliating that’s what it is. It’s racist...specie-ist? It’s something, that’s what it isss.” 

“Go back then.” Azirphale said, finishing his own glass so that they could just pass off the bottle. 

“What?”

“You were banished, oh if memory serves well, around the fifth century. If you’ve never been back, how do you know if you still banished?” Azirphale pointed out. 

“You might be onto something there. A lot has happened since then. Adam made a fair amount of changes on top of that too.” Crowley said as he curled up on the couch next to Azirphale to gaze lovingly over his celestial companion. “You, clever angel, you.”

“Yes, dear, quite.”

“Hey, how come angels don’t turn into anything?” Crowley asked, laying lengthwise across the couch so that he could place his head in Azirphale’s lap. 

“We do actually.” Azirphale said, liking the small soft noises he got out of Crowley when he carded his fingers through the demon’s fiery hair. 

“Go on. Pull the other one while I still have both legs.” Crowley peeked up at the angel who looked quite serious about it. 

“We do. It got assigned after the Fall.” 

“So you’re telling me that you’ve been able to change into an animal, anytime you like this whole time.” Crowley sat up to stare down the angel. 

“You never asked, and it’s not something one brings up in polite conversation.” Azirphale said with a little shrug. 

“We’re not polite beings, at least I’m not. Quit holding out on me.” Crowley said, poking Azirphale in the shoulder with the wine bottle. 

“If I must, but you better not laugh at me.” Azirphale sighed, standing up to start stretching, much to Crowley’s amusement.

“Why would I laugh at you?” The demon tried giving it some thought. “What do you turn into? A dove? A rabbit?” Crowley asked with a grin to receive a very cross look from the angel.

“Hardly.” Azi said as he continued to limber up.

“What exactly are you doing?” Crowley grinned. 

“I haven’t done this in almost 5000 years or so. I don’t want to pull anything.” Azirphale said, sounding very put out about it. “You might want to step back”

“Oh! You change into a badger, my mistake...” Crowley trailed off, looking into the face of an extremely large winged lion with gleaming white fur and very familiar blue eyes. Aziraphale’s mane, like his wings, was a wondrous thing to behold, the fur looking so deep and soft Crowley wondered if he’d ever be able to find his way out of it. He was still more than willing to try.

“You’ve been able to change into this the entire time I’ve known you?”  
Crowley was busy doing a couple of laps around the lion. “With fur like this, it’s just selfish, that’s what it is.”

“You like it then?” And there was something strange and hesitant in Azi voice.

“No, you silly angel, I don’t like it. I fucking love it.” Crowley said, not knowing where to begin. 

“Oh, oh, good! I’m so relieved. I was worried.” Crowley noticed that Azirphale came across clear as day even as a lion. It made the demon wonder about his own form.

“Whatever for?” 

“It wasn’t so well received...” Azirphale began.

“By the other angels.” Crowley spit out, finishing the angel’s sentence for him with all the disdain it deserved. “Dare I ask why? What the hell do Gabriel and Michael change into then?” 

“A lamb, and a dove.” Azirphale couldn’t contain the glee he felt finally getting to tell the demon those juicy tidbits.

“Well there’s your answer. That’s just a case of bitter boots on both their parts. Nothing to do with you. It’s not like you got to pick.” 

“We did actually, sort of. God just happened to ask me first, but then she decided against duplicates so by the time God got to Michael and Gabriel there wasn’t a whole lot left to choose from. Not as many species back in those days, you see.”

“That is fantastic. You’ve just made my entire night.” Crowley laughed, “So why did you choose lion?”

“You can call me an old silly, but I felt awful about the lion that Adam, the original Adam, killed with my sword. Everyone and everything was just still figuring it all out.” Azirphale said, reminding Crowley why he loved his angel so much. The wide spectrum of Azirphale’s kindness never ceased to amaze the demon. “It just popped into my head. I didn’t realize it would be such a popular choice.”

“And the wings? Last I checked, lions don’t have them.”

“I like how it looks.” Aziraphale said rather primly.

“As you should.” Crowley said as he ran his fingers through that glorious mane. He had plans for the mane. “Would you choose anything else if you had the chance?”

“No, not really. Maybe a unicorn.”

“Terrible idea. They’re too much like horses.” Crowley instantly vetoed.

“They are not.”

“Fine, they are horse shaped with an additional problem on their foreheads.” Crowley said, taking a few steps back from the lion. “Now hold still.”

“What the devil are you doing?” Azirphale startled as Crowley leapt toward him, changing shape midair. The angel felt the snake land on him, but soon lost track of the demon. 

“Being a devil.” Crowley said smugly from somewhere deep within the lion’s mane. Aziraphale’s fur was so thick that the lion could barely feel the snake moving around in it. “Sssso sssoft.”

“I suppose I can stay like this for a tick.” Aziraphale sighed as he padded over to settle in beside the fire. 

“It would be a great way to keep your customers out.”

“You do that well enough all on your own. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you sleeping here more often, every so conveniently in window by the door.” Azirphale gently chided, though both of them knew that Crowley was more than welcome there. 

“Best light there, that window.” Crowley yawned, which is always impressive when it’s a snake his size. 

“Are you falling asleep on me?”

“Trying to. Bit too noisy for it though.” Crowley grumbled. Azi tried purring but that only put the demon to sleep faster. 

“Sleep in peace, beloved.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Your comments steal all the wine corks, and your kudos cuddle up in the angel’s mane.


End file.
